Whoever said "change is good" needs their head examined. I agree that change is inevitable and can lead to good, but as itself change is not always good. However, for there to be the opportunity for good, there does have to be change.
I have in the last, um, 52 days, experienced a great amount of change. On the surface, I have not been feeling the good. "They" say that the big life change stressors involve job change, relationship change, family addition/subtraction change, address change, and major purchase change. At the beginning of September, in the span of 4 short days, I lived through 3 and by mid-September, I checked another off the list.
August 31 - Changes at work stemmed from the sudden serious medical emergency of my supervisor leading to an extended leave of absence on her part and my interim promotion into that supervisory role while for a month continuing to perform my regular job functions. Now, training someone new to the job although not new to the agency or my life, but new to my team, to perform my regular job functions while doing the day to day supervisory functions I was previously only performing on a fill-in basis. Thoughts and prayers with my friend and supervisor NK during her continued recovery.
September 1 - Changes in relationship stemmed from the extremely difficult decision to end a long-term serious relationship, which lead to the address change about three weeks later - September 18. Upon the move and the break-up, I not only ended a relationship but also the companionship of my pet rabbits. Now, the challenge of getting to know myself again, the realization of who I have in my corner and that I have some of the best friends and the most supportive family on the planet.
September 4 - Major purchase change triggered by the death of my car, requiring me to purchase a new-to-me vehicle on September 9. RIP Maggie, but truly enjoying the reliability and excellent gas mileage Max as to offer.
After 52 days of reflection, contemplation, crying, praying, stressing, whining, etc., I have decided that I have no other choice but to deal with the change, to roll with the change, to try to see the bright and shiny amid the dark and twisty and hope that the bright and shiny will eventually win out over the dark and twisty.
Like the change at the bottom of a purse, it's heavy and cumbersome. It seemingly appears out of nowhere. It clutters and disorganizes. But it is worth something. Change in the bottom of a purse can buy a Pepsi or pay a Thruway toll. Change in my life can lead to something bright and shiny.
So, those of you who "know" me, understand that my normal has shifted, know that I need help and that I am often either too afraid or too stubborn to ask for it, and rest assure that my normal will eventually shift again. I have that hope.
